My Immortal
by Little Soldier Mine
Summary: I'm alive! Yay! But enough of that. Here's another songfic oneshot, one to hopefully pull me out of my writer's block rut. This is in the SAINW universe. Mike's thought's on Donnie as he returns to the ruins of his once, long ago, home. Take a peek!


Disclaimer- I don't own the turtles or the song. Just borrowing them for a while to releive my brain of its brain babies.

A/N- ...Hey...i know many of you thought i was dead...i thought i was dead. I haven't written anything in like forever. I am having THE worst case of writer's block EVER! Like i sit there...and as much as i awill things to come out, they don't! I swear my brain is constipated! *sigh* So last night i was listening to Evanescence's My Immortal...and this came to me. Like in a dream. I literally ran to my laptop and started typing...and this is what was born! A small, but very much loved, brain baby songfic! Plus, i always kinda wanted to write a SAINW story with Mike.

Without further ado!...Here's my cure (hopefully) to my writer's block! Hopefully this will get my brain's juiced running again.

* * *

_~thoughts~_

**song**

* * *

_My Immortal_

Mike looked around the city with cold, washed out blue eyes. He was met with bleak, cold buildings which lay in ruin. He walked around the empty streets, making sure to stay in the shadows, but he didn't do it to stay hidden from the people. The humans were all in hiding themselves, scared into the shadows by the Shredder and his army. No street was safe any more.

He felt his chest grow more and more tight as he neared his destination. He knew he shouldn't go there. Some memories were better left untouched. But he couldn't bring himself to turn around, not when he was this close. He didn't worry about being found seeing as no one ever wandered this far out anymore. Mike stopped and stared ahead, his breath sticking in his throat as he saw the destroyed building that had once been the warehouse where they kept their vehicles.

Back when they were a family.

Back before Donatello had disappeared.

Mike let out his withheld breath in a sigh and quickly made his way towards it. Once inside he instinctively found the fuse box switching on the light, in the back of his mind he marveled at how it still worked after so much time, then made his way towards the elevator after turning off the light for safe measure, and quickly climbed inside. When he stood in the small room he opened the trapdoor at the bottom and crawled into the dark chute, making his way towards the place that had once been his home.

Once Mike lit the switch he stood in the sparsely lit ruins of what had once been the living room of the lair and looked around. With another heavy sigh he made his way towards the crumbled remains of the stairs leading to the second floor. He easily made his way up and soon found himself facing a set of doors. Doors he hadn't seen in years. The doors leading to rooms he wished he could forget but couldn't. Mike's legs moved as if of their own accord and he found himself facing a door he hadn't stood in front of in so long. He reached up with his scarred hand and placed it lightly on the splintered door, as if as soon as he touched it it would disappear, leaving him alone to his painful memories.

With a sharp intake of breath, Mike pushed the door open. Not surprised when it gave under the slight pressure. Not wincing as it crashed down on the stone floor in a cloud of dust. He walked in, not at all surprised at finding himself not in his room but Donnie's. Mike looked around with hungry eyes, taking in every small detail the same way a man dying of thirst would drink a glass of cold water.

_~Damn it Don…why the fuck did you have to disappear?!~ _Mike thought as he slowly turned, making sure he took every detail in. When he made sure he had mapped out the room he made his way to the bed. It lay unmade, the way they left it when Donnie had fist disappeared. The way _he_ left it. Back when they all believed he would come back. But after a while, it became too painful for anyone to enter the room, so no one had ever bothered to make it. A cloud of dust rose as Mike sat himself down, he ignored it and placed his elbow on his knee, his forehead soon landed on his calloused palm. Mike's shoulders started shaking and broken sobs ripped themselves out of his throat, shocking him. He hadn't cried over Donnie since he had given up hope that his brother would ever come back to him. Mike let himself cry, it wasn't like there was anybody there to watch him as he broke down.

_~After Splinter died…we just couldn't stay together anymore. We couldn't be a family anymore. I remember the fight Leo and Raph had, how they left and then I was all alone. How I also grew sick of being here. Surrounded by stone walls that held nothing but painful memories. I remember how I started hating having to always put up that mask. Be the 'happy-go-lucky' turtle. I remembered how everybody had always told me to grow up…I decided to take their advice. I was sick of being the 'baby'. I was sick of being the one nobody took seriously.~_ Mikey looked up, not bothering to wipe away the tears that stained his cheeks, leaving his mask wet and slightly uncomfortable. He let his hand wander over the old, moth eaten blankets under his hand, remembering how once, so long ago, they had been a light pistachio green.

**I'm so tired of being here**

**Suppressed by all my childish fears**

_~Don. I wish that when you disappeared…you would have at least let us know why. Nothing killed us more that not knowing what happened to you. And the worst part is that since you left so abruptly, I still felt like you were there. I hated it. I would feel like if I turned around fast enough, you would be standing there, smiling that damned smile of yours. Like if I ran into the lab fast enough, I could catch you tinkering with one of your experiments, a steaming cup of coffee next to you. It's been years, Don. Years…It's like a badly infected cut. It hurts and stings and if you aren't careful with it, it rips open, bringing fresh pain and agony with it.~_ Mike felt his chest constrict, as if his heart longed to join his eyes and cry for his long gone brother.

**And if you have to leave**

**I wish that you would just leave**

**'Cause your presence still lingers here**

**And it won't leave me alone**

**These wounds won't seem to heal**

_~But the worst part is…that no matter how many years have passed, the pain doesn't seem to lessen. It seems to grow, like a balloon filling with water. Until one day it'll be too much and it'll burst. My heart is that balloon...How much longer before it bursts?~_ Mike felt more tears slip out of his eyes and make their slow descent down his cheeks.

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

_~Damn it Don! We were supposed to grow old together! To be together forever! You left me. I was always there for you, Don. When life was too hard and you just couldn't hold it all in anymore. When it became too much for you and you just couldn't keep your bottled up emotions from overflowing and washing over you. I was there Don. I was there. I wiped away your tears, gave you a shoulder to cry on, made you laugh. Even you had nightmares, Don. And when you did I would crawl into your bed and stay with you through the night. You did it for me so I did it for you. We always had each others back. I was always there to hold your hand, through the good times and the bad.~_ Mike clenched his hand on the worn blanket so hard his knuckles became white.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

**And I held your hand through all of these years**

_~But even now, Don, you still have my heart.~_ Mike let his eyes wander around the room, his eyes came to rest on the workbench on the farthest wall. Half finished projects sat forever waiting for their owner to return and reclaim them.

**But you still have**

**All of me**

_~You were so smart Don. You could have changed the world with that big brain of yours. I know we always poked fun at you but you always ignored it, knowing that we were just teasing. We never truly appreciated all you did for us until you weren't here to fix and make things for us…Damn it, Don! I can't just let you go! I can't! I've tried…but I just can't…Not even in my dreams do you not appear. Every time I close my eyes, your face is there, burning the back of my eyelids. Whenever I do sleep, my sleep is plagued with nightmares. Each and every one featuring you and all of the possible things that could have happened to you, courtesy of my always over active imagination.~_ Mike stood up and made his way towards the table. He let his hand ghost over the confusing mass of wires and circuit boards that only the missing turtle had any clue as to what it's purpose was.

**You used to captivate me**

**By your resonating light**

**Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**

**Your face it haunts**

**My once pleasant dreams**

_~Heh. At times I think I might just have gone crazy. Sometimes, when it's late and I lie awake, I think I hear your voice. Crazy, huh? I tried following it once…almost got myself killed. But Don? Maybe I am crazy…I mean, I'm talking to you when you're probably dead.~_ Something that resembled more a pained grimace than a smile shadowed Mike's face as he let his hand pause just millimeters above his brothers laptop, never touching it.

**Your voice it chased away**

**All the sanity in me**

Mike stopped, his once smiling eyes glued to something on his brothers desk. A photo frame. With trembling fingers, Mike reached over and brushed off some of the dust with the calloused pads of his fingers. When the dust was cleared a strangled sob escaped his lips, tears once again overflowing his dull, blue eyes. He felt his knees collide with the cold, unforgiving stone but he didn't even register the dull pain. His scarred hand lingering on the glass as his frame shook with the shattering sobs that left him feeling emptier and emptier inside.

**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

It was a picture of them. All of them. Alive and well, they were all sitting out on a lush, green lawn. Mike suddenly remembered that day as clearly as if it had been yesterday. They had gone to Casey's grandmothers farmhouse for a few days vacation. Mike looked at the picture through misty eyes. April had just gotten a new camera and wanted them all to take a picture. She had set it down on a chair with a timer and they had all rushed to get in on the picture. They had all jumped together and ended up in a big, laughing jumble on the grass.

Splinter was the only one who had miraculously managed to stay sitting through the picture, his laughing face turned towards the camera, one hand on Casey's head, the other on Mikey's. April had tackled Casey, landing on his stomach, her face squashed against his as they stared at the camera with big grins on their faces, blushes making their cheeks shine. Casey had his arms around April's waist as he fell backwards, his head landing on Splinters lap, his feet hitting the side of Raph's shell. Raph was pushed onto Leo, arms flailing wildly, legs tangled with April's, as he fell over onto Leo, his arm tangling with Leo's as Leo held onto it, trying to stop his inevitable fall towards the grass. Leo had his legs crossed before him, not letting him stop his fall, has grin matching Raph's as he pulled his brother along with him. Mike stared with broken eyes at the younger him and Donnie laying on Splinter's other side. Mikey had tackled Donnie, landing on top of his brother. Donnie lay on his back, staring upside down at the camera, his eyes closed as he laughed, Mikey lay on top of him, holding himself up off of Donnie with his hands on either side of the genius turtles head. He, too, was facing the camera, a giant grin plastered on his face as his bright blue eyes danced with laughter, his orange headband tails pooling on the ground, mixing with Donnie's purple.

Their silent laughter echoed loudly in the cold room mixing with Mike's broken cries.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

**And I held your hand through all of these years**

**But you still have**

**All of me**

_~I can't forget you, Don. I've tried so hard to forget you, but you I can't…it hurts. So much time has passed but it doesn't change anything. It still hurts as much as it did the morning we found out you were gone. The pain seems to increase instead of lessening. Isn't time supposed to heal things?…I tell myself that you're gone. Dead. But I can't seem to let you go. I can't. But even though you're always with me. Haunting me. I'm so lonely. So lonely. I need you, Don. Why the hell did you disappear?! Why?!~_ Mike grabbed the old photo with his shaking hand and pulled it towards him.

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone**

**But though you're still with me**

**I've been alone all along**

Mike stared into the picture.

Stared at his brothers face.

The face he hadn't seen in years.

Would never see ever again.

Mike shut his eyes and curled up on the floor, ignoring the dust and dirt that covered his body and curled up into himself. His body shook with more choking sobs as he pulled the frame to his chest and held it as if he would die without it.

The empty, ruined lair the only witness to Mike losing himself in his pain. The cold, dark rooms echoing back his anguished cries. Outside, the bleak sky started pouring, as if sympathizing with the heartbroken turtle laying curled deep underground.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

**And I held your hand through all of these years**

**But you still have**

**All of me**

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A/N-So?...How did i do? I luv writing songfics cause you can put so much emotion into them, even if they are short.

I hope you guys enjoyed it! I know i enjoyed writing it!

I swear i haven't forgotten any of my other stories and i will eventually get back to them...i just need for my brain to come back to life *pokes brain*. Sorry if it might take a little more time, though i have about a fourth of my next chapter for **Lost Ninja **done! It's just taking a while...

Please leave me a comment or a suggestion, your thought on how it ended, why you like it (or didn't *sadness*), what you had for breakfast, any little thing!


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